Cliche, but Necessary

I am 31 years old.  I am divorced with no children.  We married for love, divorced for civility.  My 20s were filled with good times and rough times and I’ve managed to make it through without too many regrets.  3 years ago, I was promoted to Store Manager with a company that I’ve been working within for 13 years.

All in all, life has been hard, but fun – until last year.

Last year, I noticed some pain in my wrist so I went to my doctor.  I have severe carpal tunnel in both wrists.  I attribute this to video games and work, equally.  I had some pain in my foot and after a year of doctor visits, it has been discovered to be an irreparable muscle tear.  I went to an eye exam and made an off hand remark about going blind and after months of testing, I was diagnosed with idiopathic intracranial hypertension, or known as pseudotumor cerebri.  About 2 months ago, I was having severe pain in my legs that was bad enough that I went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease.  I have hypotension, hypoglycemia, hypolakemia, and anemia – on top of a wonderful amount of other vitamins that I am also lacking.

Due to the health concerns that happened so suddenly, I opted to step down at work.  It would mean a paycut, but I would have time to try other avenues in part time jobs that weren’t as physically demanding so that I could try and regain a bit of what I was suddenly faced with.

Health problems suck.  I’ve never had too many of them, but now I’m getting them all at once.  I can handle that.

Right after my company agreed to let me take the demotion, my father let me know that due to poor planning of his retirement and inability to work, he was going to have to sell his house.  This was not real news to me, but the time had changed.  I was expecting next year, not within 3 months of signing the lease on a studio apartment.

Once that was settled, my company alerted everyone multiple times in a short amount of time that any lack of results would not be tolerated and that if we did not perform 100% to an outstanding performance that we would all be let go.  We do not work on commission and certain areas of our business have been up quite a bit, but traffic in retail stores has gone down thanks to the internet.  Regardless of reasoning, if the store goals are not met this year than I will be let go in one year.

I don’t have a problem being told that I need to perform and working my way into performing.  I do have a problem with threats within an atmosphere.  It doesn’t really do anything for the morale within a team and can severely damage a person’s way of thinking into a self fulfilling prophecy.

In the span of one year – my health has deteriorated, I was notified that I will be living in an uncomfortable living arrangement for months, and I might not have a job next year – by means of the company or by choice.

Oi… In 29 years, I have never adulted this hard.

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